Saturday, August 24, 2013

Children. why?

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I have a fair idea that questions like this are met with immense surprise, or shock or plain being non-plus. I have been experiencing this for some time, when I express my thoughts about having my own kids. Now that I am not newly married anymore, I am aware that this question is going to come to me from all directions and eat my mind out of peace. If not immediately, in few months. I have already been asked about this by some senior females( as expected) and this is going to be more in coming years. I have not expressed this idea to the senior members, but I some time discuss this with people my age, and most of them also have no idea what answer they should give. 

My question is "why do you want to have children?'

Most of them do not understand the question. After grasping it, many say, 'because you DO have children. Right? Everybody, who can, DOES have children." (which is not an answer, as much as a logical fallacy, still.) Some say, "Because I am married now" (which also has no direct connection with wanting to have children. You CAN have a child even without getting married, if your wish is so strong. Not socially acceptable though.) Some tell me that they love playing with children, and that is why they go the kid-route. OK  acceptable. (but you can always play with the nephews and nieces and neighbor's kids for  that matter, if it is just about playing.) A close friend of mine,a biologist, tells me that she wants them because a) she loves being with kids and b) that is the most natural human tendency. To reproduce. OK, much better than the previous answers. 

Still, I have not found a satisfactory answer to why does one want to have kids? Speaking for myself, I do not feel even a slightest need of having kids. (That has been my feeling for past few years, might change later though. Let us talk while it lasts.) I do not like being around kids, I do not like playing with them, I do not feel that I have any sort of bond with them ( well, some people do. I have seen how almost magical they are when they are with him or her.). To clarify, I am not scared of the whole child-bearing and delivery process, and even if I were, I could have adopted a kid. I do not feel like doing that either. 

Is it unnatural to feel that way? Is it going against the most natural instinct of reproduction? Or does that show lack of love or compassion? Or has it got something to do with age and wisdom? I have classmates, who are now mothers of 2 or 3 year olds. I also have a few friends, who got married by 29-30, and immediately had kids, coz of the biological clock ticking away. Was the need to have own children so overpowering, that they did not want to spend time on evolving the marriage? Or they als had kids, because, you know, everybody does.

In all this, My mother gave me a very good reason to have kids. She told me to think of having kids, as you then have something to look forward to for the rest of your life. As the marriage becomes older and more mature, and you sort of fall into routine, kids can be those who keep you engaged, keep you hopeful about life. Every day with kids, is a new day full of learning and developing yourself. I can largely buy this argument.And I will definitely think about this. 

Meanwhile, I would also like to know the answer to my question from you guys.The one with kids, please tell me why did you have them. The one without, tell me if you are planning to have them and why. Diverse opinions always help in forming an idea. And if at all, you share the same feeling like me, please tell me that as well. It's quite reassuring to know that you have a fellow sailing in the same boat :)  

p.s. we are not planning kids right away, neither are we deciding or debating on that. I have shared it as my thought. Respect it as it is. :D